Hi!I love this idea! I am a fan of highschool musical ever since I watched it in elementary with my sister and my Cousin. I think it's really great that you chose to put certain characters as archtypes in the Highschool Musical story. One thing that really stood out to me was how you planned ahead for what other types of songs you want to do with this project. I am very excited to see what you have for 'breaking free' as that is my favorite song ever. Perhaps an idea to add is adding more background into where the characters came from and how they ended up becoming their stereotyped highschool characters! Anyways! I look forward to reading more of this project!!
Hi Ashley! I absolutely love your idea of combining the Ramayana and High School Musical. I like reading and watching things that are set in high school because I feel like I can relate more since I’ve been through it. I like that you’re writing the story from a from a first person point of view because it helps the audience connect more with the story emotionally because we can see how the characters are feeling from your perspective. I like how Rama is described as the jock in school since he’s really athletic and has skills in archery. It’s interesting that you made Lakshmana his best friend instead of his brother because I see him as a great best friend too that would be willing to go through anything with Rama. I like how you embedded the high school musical song into your introduction and named your tabs based on the songs from high school musical. I really enjoyed reading your first story and can’t wait to read the rest!
This is a pretty creative idea Ashley! I personally haven't seen High School Musical but I think that it is always creative to use a show or movie to base a project off of. I enjoyed the design of the blog as well with the simplistic of switching between your stories, the nice colors of the background, the boldness of the font, as well as the video at the end. I do like the way you spent a lot of time on the details of describing the events and emotions in your story. I think that you did a great job of leading the story for more at the end as well. I wonder if something will go wrong because she is getting to like this new school. The way you type everything actually makes you feel like you are back in high school dealing with the drama again. Great work!
I love this take on the Ramayana! High School Musical was huge growing up as a kid, so reading the first page really brought back some nostalgia. I only read the introduction because I want to keep coming back to your story over the course of the semester to read everything else, but I can already tell that I'm really going to like it. One question I have is, why is it called Kosala High School? I think I may have over read this when reading the Ramayana, so I think adding a little line in why it's called Kosala would help the audience have some more background information! Reading through it was nice and easy, but I did notice some grammatical errors in the introduction so make sure to read a loud! I have trouble with this too in my own stories. I look forward to reading more over the semester!
Hey, Ashley! First of all, I love your High School Musical theme. It makes me super nostalgic and now I might have to go rewatch them to appease my inner 10-year-old. Your storybook is so creative and such a fun take on the Ramayana. Also, it was great that you titled them after the songs, and linked the songs at the end as well. It is super creative that you are telling it in first person, it kind of reminds me of a gossip girl tell all situation. One suggestion I have is that you might play around with the website and the different types of set ups that are available. When I first built my blog, I did realize but some of them are super cool. Also, you can also change color and fonts of the different layouts, which could make it seem more handwritten, which would be a cool effect since it is in first person. I can’t wait to read this HSM Ramayana crossover!
Oh my goodness, Ashley! I loved reading on your website so much! It really took me back to middle school when I was really into High School Musical. This really is an awesomely-themed website! It is so cool that you read the book and now are writing all of your story based on it and in the same theme. Your website and first story really look like you have put in so much work to them and that you really care about the assignments. Your photos and the style of your website really all tie in so well together and the theme stays intact wherever I go on your website. As I read your story it also really helped me to understand some of the characters that we have been reading about and I think that is one benefit do doing the type of writing that you are doing on your website. I seriously cannot wait for the rest of your stories!
Hey there, Ashley! I thought that your idea for the storybook was fantastic. I have seen other storybooks that take place in an alternate high school reality, but yours is definitely the most unique. It brought me back to my junior high days when High School Musical was the most popular movie. I think you are off to a great start with your introduction page. The background pictures are both relevant and give the reader a better sense of what is taking place. I also really liked each story page. I think it is awesome that you decided to title each one after a song in the movie. This makes it easier for the reader to understand what is taking place during each story. I am really looking forward to seeing how the final project pans out. I will be back in the future to check in on your progress. I am sure it will be great.
Hi Ashley! I fell upon your storybook through the randomizer, and man, am I glad I did! You have utilized so much creativity in just one introductory story so far! I like that you took a simple idea of placing the Ramayana in a high school but took it to the next level by basing it off of High School Musical.
In your introduction, or maybe even a different page, I think it would be helpful to state the character correspondence between the Ramayana and High School Musical. I realize it doesn't line up exactly, but it would be fun for readers who are familiar with High School Musical to be able to tie the two stories together better. I like how the end of "Start of Something New" ends on a cliffhanger. It made me excited to read more! Along with the imbedded videos, it would strengthen your storybook to add photos! Great job!
Hi Ashley. I really like your project so far. I appreciate the creativity that you used in making your site. Everything looks great so far with your site. i love it when people think outside of the box when making their project i thought that your theme was awesome. I would have never thought about comparing the drama of the source material to High School Musicical. You did a great job building your own world and characters for your site. You did a really great job of describing the characters in a high school setting while still keeping their original personality intact. You also had a lot of smaller details that were great. There were a few spots where I had a hard time following what you were saying. Overall, great so far and I am looking forward to the rest of your project. i am also a fan of your entire project being related to the same theme.
Hey Ashley! I'll be honest, when I first saw the High School Musical theme, I thought it could be corny. But, I think you really pulled it off well! The characters from the Ramayana fit perfectly with those from High School Musical. The use of archery in place of basketball was genius as well. I did notice a few minor typos, so you might try reading back through it or running it through a spellchecker one last time. Your home page does a really nice job of explaining what your site is about and what your goal is. I was a bit confused because you already had the pages and titles set up for your next stories even though they are not done yet. Also, the last paragraph introducing Sita seemed to be written a little differently from the others. It almost feels like it's from Sita's point of view while the other descriptions were like an outsider explaining the characters. Overall, very nice job with this and I can't wait to read your next section!
Hi Ashley! Wow I had some serious flashbacks of sitting in my best friend's living room from elementary school while reading through your project. This is such a unique and creative idea. I really like how you included the titles of the rest of your stories before you have even posted them because it creates the anticipation for what is going to be happening next. Like Casey said above, at first I kind of thought this was going to be corny but you really did a great job. It was interesting and held my attention the entire time I was reading it. I like how you also included a link to the actual song from High School Musical. It has been a long time since I have watched those movies and I think you have maybe sparked something in me to watch them again. I really look forward to read the next stories you are going to post. Great job and good luck!
Hello Ashley! I love your idea of combining the epics of India with High School Musical. High School Musical was my favorite movie growing up! I still like to watch it today and sing along. I love how you embedded the song into your story. It is a cool and appropriate concept to use the song title as your story title. I wonder, are you going to stick with High School Musical 1 or incorporate the other two in? I like how you have already planned out your other titles, it is a teaser since I can't read anything yet! I love your first story! I am a sucker for romantic or awkward loving encounters. I am excited to see what you have in store!
Ashley, wow, your project is so creative and fun! As a High School Musical fan myself, I love the nostalgia of it as it is fun to revisit movies and music from our childhood. Also, thanks for posting the music video on your page, it is so fun! As far as your writing goes, I was very impressed with it. I think you did a great job staying true to both stories yet marrying them together to make something unique and fresh. I wonder how you will work in the other High School Musical characters, I feel like Shurpanakha will be Sharpay for sure, but I am curious about the others. Something fun to include on your intro might be a cast list, that way we can see the parallels before jumping into the story. All in all, great work and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
YESSS Ashley, the teenage girl in me is screaming. I loved High School Musical and to be real honest sometimes I watch it to put me in a better mood. I would have never thought about relating Ramayana to High school Musical. Claps to you. I loved reading your first two stories and I want to read the next ones also and how you relate them to the Ramayana. This is such a fun project to work on, I am somewhat jealous. I wish I would have thought about that. I loved to read your stories. I think it would be cool if you had a yearbook and maybe had pictures of the characters in the Ramayana and High School musical. Not that we need it but it kind of would be a cool thing to add. I think you should just keep up the good work and keep doing what you are doing.
Hi, Ashley! Right from the beginning, I was drawn into your concept for your project. I am pretty sure everyone loves High School Musical to some degree…so this is so fun to read! This is a great comparison to the Ramayana. High school can be a total dramatic saga, so I see this working out very well! So, to begin, I love your descriptions of how much Rama and Sita like each other! Reading looking from the outside in, it is so engaging to know how much each of them wants to be with the other but seeing both of them act timidly about it. I think your story could benefit from a couple of things. First, there are several grammatical errors that can be fixed with a quick proofread! Next, I think that you could give more description of the setting and school. Where is this school set? What class did he walk her to? What were they wearing? Etc. This can make your story even more realistic!! Thanks for sharing! Jessie
Hey Ashley! I I love your idea of combining the HSM and Ramayana. I like stories are set in high school because I feel like I can relate more since I’ve been through it awhile ago. I love how you fused the song into your story. It is a very cool concept to use the song title as your story title. This is such a fun project to work on, I am jealous. I wish I would have thought about that. I loved to read your stories. I hope you keep up the good work and i will be looking forward reading more of your stories.
Really enjoying your rendition of the Ramayana and the blending of HSM. I think that the setting and even potential plot lines is completely relateable to high school, and even the Ramayana I believe has some connections to HSM that can be seen. I really like the layout of your project as well as the images you used. I would like to know more about the school they attend, is archery at this school as big as football or other sports is at other schools?
Hi Ashley! Wow, I love how you based your Storybook on High School Musical! I personally am a huge fan of the movie series and a bit jealous that I did not think of this idea myself, haha. First of all, I enjoy how you designed your Storybook website. It is clean and easy to understand, but has that flare from that book background you added. On your Home page, I thought it was a smart move to put the two pictures of which your Storybook is based on - right off the bat readers can tell what your website is based on. The Introduction is wonderfully written and perfectly sets the plot and tone for the whole Storybook. I read your "Start of Something New" story and I enjoyed reading it. The story you have written literally incorporates the title, without forgetting any major details or going into the next story. The only thing I have to say is to check your spelling. For example, the word "knew" in the second paragraph should be "new" and "finishing" should be "finished." Overall, I love the theme you have chosen for your Storybook and I cannot wait to read the remaining stories!
Ashley, I chose to read your storybook again this week because I was so drawn in the first time I read it! Like Jessie said in a few comments ahead of this, high school can be such a dramatic saga, so it fits the Ramayana very well! This week, I got to read your story "Start of Something New". First off, I really enjoy that each of your new stories will be entitled with a song! I like that you switched his love for basketball with a love for archery. I think that the beginning of your story has great, elaborate imagery, but it did not stay as strong throughout the story. Also, I think the dialogue of Rama being nervous and introducing himself to Sita was a little too relaxed. While the tone was helpful in crafting the story, I think by eliminating "uh" and "um", the dialogue will be stronger!
Hey Ashley, I love the concept for your story! High School Musical is one of my favorite movie series, it brings back so many fun memories. I can't wait to see how you bring everything together. The introduction page was a great way to show us who the characters are. It was very clear who most of the characters represent, and I'm sure the others will become clear as you post more stories. My only critique of your story is that you switch from present to past tense a couple of times and have a few little grammatical errors. Those should all be easy fixes though! Another thing I would change is how formally that Rama and Sita speak to each other. Since this is about high school students, I think it would be good to contractions like “you’re” instead of “you are.” This would make them feel more conversational and relatable. I like that Rama is so nervous, and I think that you’re going to have a lot of fun telling this story!
Hi Ashley, I just read your story and I liked how you used high school musical as the story to represent the story you wrote. I really liked reading all the love stories that have to deal with Rama and Sita. I think this was the best stories we read so far this semester. Its crazy that the high school musical story line was the best story to use to the remake of your story. The story you wrote played out the same way Rama and Sita were toward each other, they both were shy at first, but as they got to talking and being around each other they started to open up and by the end of the story they were in love. Love stories make my heart warm up , and you retelling this story you set it up pretty good, and the storyline was good, and I hope you enjoyed writing it.
Hello Ashley. You have a nice looking homepage. I like that you gave a small introduction on your homepage. The pictures are also nice choices. You have a theme image. I have two problems with it. First, it isn’t that noticeable as is kind of blends in with the color scheme. Second, I don’t know how much it is going to fit a high school musical themed storybook. Once you add a few more stories and link them on your homepage; they are going to pass the picture of Rama and Sita. This may look a little weird. Your introduction has nice picture placement. It helps set the story. You have a stellar introduction. When reading that Ravana was class president and I didn’t understand how. Then you explained he was unchallenged, and it fit perfectly. The only change I could possible think of is Rama meeting Hanuman later in the story. However, the way it is fine. The “Start of Something New” is well written, but the dialogue does feel a bit rough. I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to your future writings.
Hello Ashley. Starting from the title, "Kosala High School," I thought this was a great way to start your story. I would assume that there would be a lot of child-like drama. And then when I went to your introduction page, there was High School Musical. I thought that this would be a very interesting comparison and your layout was very nice. But, I would suggest to maybe be a little bit more formal. Your introduction page seems scattered. But, your story writing is very good. I think that you were able to help me understand Rama's position in the epic. Epics can sometimes be hard to understand because there are so many different things going on at the same time. Comparing Rama and Sita to the characters in High School Musical was a very fun idea. What gave you the inspiration? Do you think that Rama and Troy are similar characters?
Hello Ashley! I hope you are having a great day! I really like your homepage but to go with the title of the page "Kosala High School", The theme and title should be high school like, with 90's font and images. I feel like if you utilized a 90s theme, it would make the page more fun and busy, rather than simple like it is! Your stories are really great and I loved the high school musical theme! This story definitely belongs to the high school drama section! Your story kept me reading and reading and when I reached the end, I wanted to read more! I am a sucker for love stories and I cannot wait to read some more stories in the future! I hope you have a great day and good luck with the rest of your semester!
I enjoyed reading your story, and I especially enjoyed the setup of your website. It looks great!
I noticed that a main focus of your story is how Rama and Sita (the high school versions) are watching one another in the hallways. For this, I would think that descriptions of physical appearance are important, especially since you're taking a modern view of the story. I would recommend using sensory details to describe their appearances. Questions to ask would be, When you're enamored at a first glance, what sort of things do you notice about the other person? It's rarely the brand of shoes they wear or the style of their backpack. It's usually things like the shape and pout of lips, the color of their eyes, the emotions portrayed in their smile (happy, sad, even). I think such details would be great for Rama and Sita's high school love story!
Hi Ashley! First off, your project is amazing and I love how you decided to recreate the Ramayana in a High School Musical perspective. I am sure a lot of people will find this project relatable. I really like the layout of your project. It is simple and allows the readers attention to be focused on your writing. Your introduction is perfect. I love how you take the time to introduce the characters. I know we have all read the Ramayana, but it is nice to get a quick refresher and then get told how these characters fit into your story. For your first story, you did an awesome job of incorporating this into the storyline of High School Musical. I really liked the story of how Rama and Sita met, so bringing it into a more modern setting and especially a high school setting made it seem even more realistic. Overall great project and I look forward to reading more.
Hey Ashley! I hope you are doing well this semester. I commented on your storybook towards the very beginning of the semester. It is crazy to see how much your story has developed past your introduction and your first story. Now, it seems like your project has finished nicely. I like how you have made all of your stories very easy to understand and relatable. But, I noticed on your first page, you never updated the links to your newer stories (after story 2). It was a cute idea to use the original song names as the titles for your stories. As for your author´s notes, they are very informative about the original story from the epics. This was a nice refresher from what we have read. The epics are so long, that sometimes it is hard to remember all of the details about what happened in the earlier chapters.
Hey! I didn't realize, but I was signed it to my friend's google account and not mine when I used her computer. The comment should be from me: Kelsea Long
Hello Ashley. I commented on your storybook about a month ago. This is one of my favorite storybook ideas and I am really happy with the progress you have made. I really like your writing and stories. Your new one "stick to the status Quo. I really liked how well you made the drama of high school fit the characters so well. You captured Soorpankas manipulative and deceptive ways, Rama and Sita's infatuation, and Ravanas lust and jealousy, all in a cheesy high school setting. Adding the videos from High School Musical was a funny touch and made the comparison between the original epics and a cheesy Disney high school even funnier. I am interested to see how and if you will cover events such as Ravana Kidnapping Sita and Ravana and Rama fighting. I also appreciate that since your stories are so different than the original you give an in depth authors note explaining the original story. I will definitely be checking out how you wrap up your project.
Hi Ashley! I really like this idea! I like how you put titles each part of the story based on a high school musical song and even included the music video in each part. I haven't seen any other blogs do this yet. It's very unique! The layout of the website it really nice too, especially the font.
I think it's interesting how Rama can't afford tuition since he seemed wealthy in the original story. At first I felt bad for Soorpanaka. She was so patient while she waited for Rama. I'm honestly wasn't sure whether to like Sita in this story since she ruined Soorpanaka's chances. Despite that Soorpanaka was being fake nice or whatever, I think Lakshmana was harsh to her when she mentioned Sita with Rama! It was also uncalled for seeing as he kind of agreed with her based on his conversation with Hanuman.
As I read more though, I realized Soorpanaka is very manipulative and deserved Lakshmana's harsh treatment. She sounds like an evil popular girl to be honest. The girl manipulated her own brother! I like how you changed things up between Lakshmana, Hanuman and Sita. It added some spice to the story.
I think you forgot to put a space between one of your paragraphs when Rama and Hanuman go look for Rama after archery practice. Other than that this is a great story and I look forward to reading the rest of it!
I noticed you called them a couple before they actually started dating. Maybe you can replace the word "couple" with "two" since they aren't a couple yet.
You've done a really great job on your storybook! I chose to write a portfolio because I was worried about messing up a series of stories, but you have done an amazing job with yours! The site design is very good. The paragraphs are spaced well so that reading the story isn't difficult at all. I also like the font that you have chosen as well. It fits the aesthetic of the site design very well. The introduction set the stage for the stories really well and flowed easily into the first and second stories. There is one sentence that sounds awkward to me. It's in the "Stick to the Status Quo" story. The first sentence just seems a little off. I don't know if a comma after "friendship" would fix it or not. But it just sounds weird to say in my head and out loud. In any case, great stories!
I love this take on the Ramayana! High School Musical was huge growing up as a kid, so reading the first page really brought back some nostalgia. I only read the introduction because I want to keep coming back to your story over the course of the semester to read everything else, but I can already tell that I'm really going to like it. One question I have is, why is it called Kosala High School? I think I may have over read this when reading the Ramayana, so I think adding a little line in why it's called Kosala would help the audience have some more background information! Reading through it was nice and easy, but I did notice some grammatical errors in the introduction so make sure to read a loud! I have trouble with this too in my own stories. I look forward to reading more over the semester!
Hi Ashley! How fun that your theme relates to High School Musical! That’s a classic movie that is a really good idea to incorporate Ramayana into. Your storybook looks different than a lot of others I’ve seen, which makes it stand out. I love that your intro explains that the stories are about high school drama, because that’s something we all know so well! Did you name it Kosala High School for a reason? Also, is any of this based on personal experience? Those are some fun things you could add to your introduction! Other than those suggestions, using transition sentences from one story to foreshadow into the next is also intriguing and helps readers flow through your project. You’ve done a great job explaining the reasoning behind your changes so far, and the reasons how they all tie back together to the theme! Great job and good luck in the future!
I've never seen the movie your story is based on, so it was interesting to try and piece together what likely happened in the original movie/story. It looks like a musical (obviously), and I was waiting for the characters to break out into song! I think it'd be cool if you could take a high school musical song and adapt the lyrics to the Rama/Sita situation, and post those lyrics with the instrumental version of the song from the movie, that way we could put them together ourselves. It reminds me of the video we watched about Sita and Rama, with that old-style jazz music to match the situation. Great work with your story!
Wow, I really love your project idea! I am huge High School Musical fan and when I saw the titles of your different pages, I was immediately intrigued. I think in addition to the videos embedded within the story, I would love to see pictures of Rama and Sita as well, just to add perspective of their story. It may be helpful to add a break somewhere in your Author's Note because it currently looks like a lengthy blurb of information. Maybe in one paragraph you can talk about how story relates to an Indian epic and the next paragraph can be all about your inspiration behind how you wrote the story. I like your use of different fonts but be sure to proofread to ensure nothing is too hard on the eyes. Overall though, great work! I hope to revisit your page in the next couple of weeks and engage in more good reads!
Ashley, I LOVE your project! I remember when I first looked at your project during the first few weeks and thought that it would be interesting but this has absolutely blow me away! The layout is great and is very organized. I also am a fan of Highschool musical from when i was a kid and the Ramayana characters and villains fit really well with the cliques from the musical! One thing that I really appreciate is the music videos at the beginning of each story. It gives a nice nostalgia effect and really brings the story to life. Perhaps one thing that you could do to make it even more awesome is to include at the end of your author's notes about why you chose to tell the story in the way that you told it and why the Indian characters correspond with the highschool musical characters. Overall, Great work and I look forward to reading more!
Can I start by saying WOW!!! I was instantly hooked on to your story. I'm a huge high school musical fan myself so reading through your introduction was amazing! You truly do have an amazing way of writing so that it makes the reader feel as though they are experiencing what is happening right then and there. I was so hooked I had not even realized the end of your introduction was already there. I kind of get which high school musical character is corresponding with the Ramayana character, but I would highly recommend putting a little note about the parallels, so that those who have not watched high school musical or read the Ramayana will know who is who. Overall, great job on the introduction and with the design of your site. Everything flows very nicely together. Can't wait to read the rest of your stories!
I am in love with the characters of Kosala High School! Ah, this is the perfect rendition of Rama and Sita's story. The details you put into Start of Something New is great in helping the reader visualize just how close Rama and Sita are becoming. I found just a few grammar mistakes that reading aloud will correct: " Rama enjoyed getting to know about Sita and all of the different places she has lived." "had lived" sounds better here. The content is great, but I think you could expand your ending and possibly even add that Ravana's sister was starting rumors to get the readers to start thinking more about what is yet to come. I definitely enjoyed reading your story! Overall great job, I look forward to reading more!
Hi Ashley! I haven't been here since March and I really like how your story book has come along. I still love the HSM theme and your writing has gotten better as time went on which shows you've really taken peoples critiques to mind when writing the next stories. One issue I have looking at your writing now is I'm not a fan of the font choice. I think it is really neat and cool, but at the same time I think it makes it a little bit harder on the eyes to read such a long story with that font choice. Since it has been that way since the beginning I do think it is best to either change it all, or keep it throughout the next installments, and just keep it in mind when writing other stories. Cool font is always nice and fun, but depending on what it is and the color scheme of everything around it, it can sometimes be hard on the eyes to interpret the letters and the longer the story the harder it gets. This could just be me but it is the only issue I had.
First off, I want to sincerely thank you for making me picture Soorpanaka as a teenage girl. My brain definitely kept her in demon form but gave her Sharpay clothes and hair hahaha. It’s so funny too, I literally had “Breaking Free” stuck in my head earlier today for no reason so apparently I was destined to read your project.
I like the idea of high school drama as the backdrop for the Ramayana. It just makes sense. Again, Soorpanaka as the Sharpay is perfect casting haha.
My only real notes were sometimes I think your story flow would be helped by doing a little more “showing vs telling”. So instead of saying someone feels a certain way or wants something, you can show it in their actions. When you entrust the reader with the task of interpreting the actions of a story it creates a more immersive and exciting experience.
Then a small typo, “When he finally saw her his heart feel to the floor” should be “fell to the floor” I think. Is there going to be fourth installment at the dance or archery competition?
Hi!I love this idea! I am a fan of highschool musical ever since I watched it in elementary with my sister and my Cousin. I think it's really great that you chose to put certain characters as archtypes in the Highschool Musical story. One thing that really stood out to me was how you planned ahead for what other types of songs you want to do with this project. I am very excited to see what you have for 'breaking free' as that is my favorite song ever. Perhaps an idea to add is adding more background into where the characters came from and how they ended up becoming their stereotyped highschool characters! Anyways! I look forward to reading more of this project!!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! I absolutely love your idea of combining the Ramayana and High School Musical. I like reading and watching things that are set in high school because I feel like I can relate more since I’ve been through it. I like that you’re writing the story from a from a first person point of view because it helps the audience connect more with the story emotionally because we can see how the characters are feeling from your perspective. I like how Rama is described as the jock in school since he’s really athletic and has skills in archery. It’s interesting that you made Lakshmana his best friend instead of his brother because I see him as a great best friend too that would be willing to go through anything with Rama. I like how you embedded the high school musical song into your introduction and named your tabs based on the songs from high school musical. I really enjoyed reading your first story and can’t wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty creative idea Ashley! I personally haven't seen High School Musical but I think that it is always creative to use a show or movie to base a project off of. I enjoyed the design of the blog as well with the simplistic of switching between your stories, the nice colors of the background, the boldness of the font, as well as the video at the end. I do like the way you spent a lot of time on the details of describing the events and emotions in your story. I think that you did a great job of leading the story for more at the end as well. I wonder if something will go wrong because she is getting to like this new school. The way you type everything actually makes you feel like you are back in high school dealing with the drama again. Great work!
ReplyDeleteI love this take on the Ramayana! High School Musical was huge growing up as a kid, so reading the first page really brought back some nostalgia. I only read the introduction because I want to keep coming back to your story over the course of the semester to read everything else, but I can already tell that I'm really going to like it. One question I have is, why is it called Kosala High School? I think I may have over read this when reading the Ramayana, so I think adding a little line in why it's called Kosala would help the audience have some more background information! Reading through it was nice and easy, but I did notice some grammatical errors in the introduction so make sure to read a loud! I have trouble with this too in my own stories. I look forward to reading more over the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey, Ashley! First of all, I love your High School Musical theme. It makes me super nostalgic and now I might have to go rewatch them to appease my inner 10-year-old. Your storybook is so creative and such a fun take on the Ramayana. Also, it was great that you titled them after the songs, and linked the songs at the end as well. It is super creative that you are telling it in first person, it kind of reminds me of a gossip girl tell all situation. One suggestion I have is that you might play around with the website and the different types of set ups that are available. When I first built my blog, I did realize but some of them are super cool. Also, you can also change color and fonts of the different layouts, which could make it seem more handwritten, which would be a cool effect since it is in first person. I can’t wait to read this HSM Ramayana crossover!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Ashley! I loved reading on your website so much! It really took me back to middle school when I was really into High School Musical. This really is an awesomely-themed website! It is so cool that you read the book and now are writing all of your story based on it and in the same theme. Your website and first story really look like you have put in so much work to them and that you really care about the assignments. Your photos and the style of your website really all tie in so well together and the theme stays intact wherever I go on your website. As I read your story it also really helped me to understand some of the characters that we have been reading about and I think that is one benefit do doing the type of writing that you are doing on your website. I seriously cannot wait for the rest of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI thought that your idea for the storybook was fantastic. I have seen other storybooks that take place in an alternate high school reality, but yours is definitely the most unique. It brought me back to my junior high days when High School Musical was the most popular movie. I think you are off to a great start with your introduction page. The background pictures are both relevant and give the reader a better sense of what is taking place. I also really liked each story page. I think it is awesome that you decided to title each one after a song in the movie. This makes it easier for the reader to understand what is taking place during each story. I am really looking forward to seeing how the final project pans out. I will be back in the future to check in on your progress. I am sure it will be great.
Hi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI fell upon your storybook through the randomizer, and man, am I glad I did! You have utilized so much creativity in just one introductory story so far! I like that you took a simple idea of placing the Ramayana in a high school but took it to the next level by basing it off of High School Musical.
In your introduction, or maybe even a different page, I think it would be helpful to state the character correspondence between the Ramayana and High School Musical. I realize it doesn't line up exactly, but it would be fun for readers who are familiar with High School Musical to be able to tie the two stories together better. I like how the end of "Start of Something New" ends on a cliffhanger. It made me excited to read more! Along with the imbedded videos, it would strengthen your storybook to add photos! Great job!
Hi Ashley. I really like your project so far. I appreciate the creativity that you used in making your site. Everything looks great so far with your site. i love it when people think outside of the box when making their project i thought that your theme was awesome. I would have never thought about comparing the drama of the source material to High School Musicical. You did a great job building your own world and characters for your site. You did a really great job of describing the characters in a high school setting while still keeping their original personality intact. You also had a lot of smaller details that were great. There were a few spots where I had a hard time following what you were saying. Overall, great so far and I am looking forward to the rest of your project. i am also a fan of your entire project being related to the same theme.
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley! I'll be honest, when I first saw the High School Musical theme, I thought it could be corny. But, I think you really pulled it off well! The characters from the Ramayana fit perfectly with those from High School Musical. The use of archery in place of basketball was genius as well. I did notice a few minor typos, so you might try reading back through it or running it through a spellchecker one last time. Your home page does a really nice job of explaining what your site is about and what your goal is. I was a bit confused because you already had the pages and titles set up for your next stories even though they are not done yet. Also, the last paragraph introducing Sita seemed to be written a little differently from the others. It almost feels like it's from Sita's point of view while the other descriptions were like an outsider explaining the characters. Overall, very nice job with this and I can't wait to read your next section!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! Wow I had some serious flashbacks of sitting in my best friend's living room from elementary school while reading through your project. This is such a unique and creative idea. I really like how you included the titles of the rest of your stories before you have even posted them because it creates the anticipation for what is going to be happening next. Like Casey said above, at first I kind of thought this was going to be corny but you really did a great job. It was interesting and held my attention the entire time I was reading it. I like how you also included a link to the actual song from High School Musical. It has been a long time since I have watched those movies and I think you have maybe sparked something in me to watch them again. I really look forward to read the next stories you are going to post. Great job and good luck!
ReplyDeleteHello Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea of combining the epics of India with High School Musical. High School Musical was my favorite movie growing up! I still like to watch it today and sing along. I love how you embedded the song into your story. It is a cool and appropriate concept to use the song title as your story title. I wonder, are you going to stick with High School Musical 1 or incorporate the other two in? I like how you have already planned out your other titles, it is a teaser since I can't read anything yet! I love your first story! I am a sucker for romantic or awkward loving encounters. I am excited to see what you have in store!
Ashley, wow, your project is so creative and fun! As a High School Musical fan myself, I love the nostalgia of it as it is fun to revisit movies and music from our childhood. Also, thanks for posting the music video on your page, it is so fun! As far as your writing goes, I was very impressed with it. I think you did a great job staying true to both stories yet marrying them together to make something unique and fresh. I wonder how you will work in the other High School Musical characters, I feel like Shurpanakha will be Sharpay for sure, but I am curious about the others. Something fun to include on your intro might be a cast list, that way we can see the parallels before jumping into the story. All in all, great work and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteYESSS Ashley, the teenage girl in me is screaming. I loved High School Musical and to be real honest sometimes I watch it to put me in a better mood. I would have never thought about relating Ramayana to High school Musical. Claps to you. I loved reading your first two stories and I want to read the next ones also and how you relate them to the Ramayana. This is such a fun project to work on, I am somewhat jealous. I wish I would have thought about that. I loved to read your stories. I think it would be cool if you had a yearbook and maybe had pictures of the characters in the Ramayana and High School musical. Not that we need it but it kind of would be a cool thing to add. I think you should just keep up the good work and keep doing what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteHi, Ashley! Right from the beginning, I was drawn into your concept for your project. I am pretty sure everyone loves High School Musical to some degree…so this is so fun to read! This is a great comparison to the Ramayana. High school can be a total dramatic saga, so I see this working out very well! So, to begin, I love your descriptions of how much Rama and Sita like each other! Reading looking from the outside in, it is so engaging to know how much each of them wants to be with the other but seeing both of them act timidly about it. I think your story could benefit from a couple of things. First, there are several grammatical errors that can be fixed with a quick proofread! Next, I think that you could give more description of the setting and school. Where is this school set? What class did he walk her to? What were they wearing? Etc. This can make your story even more realistic!! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteJessie
Hey Ashley! I I love your idea of combining the HSM and Ramayana. I like stories are set in high school because I feel like I can relate more since I’ve been through it awhile ago. I love how you fused the song into your story. It is a very cool concept to use the song title as your story title. This is such a fun project to work on, I am jealous. I wish I would have thought about that. I loved to read your stories. I hope you keep up the good work and i will be looking forward reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley,
ReplyDeleteReally enjoying your rendition of the Ramayana and the blending of HSM. I think that the setting and even potential plot lines is completely relateable to high school, and even the Ramayana I believe has some connections to HSM that can be seen. I really like the layout of your project as well as the images you used. I would like to know more about the school they attend, is archery at this school as big as football or other sports is at other schools?
Hi Ashley! Wow, I love how you based your Storybook on High School Musical! I personally am a huge fan of the movie series and a bit jealous that I did not think of this idea myself, haha. First of all, I enjoy how you designed your Storybook website. It is clean and easy to understand, but has that flare from that book background you added. On your Home page, I thought it was a smart move to put the two pictures of which your Storybook is based on - right off the bat readers can tell what your website is based on. The Introduction is wonderfully written and perfectly sets the plot and tone for the whole Storybook. I read your "Start of Something New" story and I enjoyed reading it. The story you have written literally incorporates the title, without forgetting any major details or going into the next story. The only thing I have to say is to check your spelling. For example, the word "knew" in the second paragraph should be "new" and "finishing" should be "finished." Overall, I love the theme you have chosen for your Storybook and I cannot wait to read the remaining stories!
ReplyDeleteAshley, I chose to read your storybook again this week because I was so drawn in the first time I read it! Like Jessie said in a few comments ahead of this, high school can be such a dramatic saga, so it fits the Ramayana very well! This week, I got to read your story "Start of Something New". First off, I really enjoy that each of your new stories will be entitled with a song! I like that you switched his love for basketball with a love for archery. I think that the beginning of your story has great, elaborate imagery, but it did not stay as strong throughout the story. Also, I think the dialogue of Rama being nervous and introducing himself to Sita was a little too relaxed. While the tone was helpful in crafting the story, I think by eliminating "uh" and "um", the dialogue will be stronger!
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI love the concept for your story! High School Musical is one of my favorite movie series, it brings back so many fun memories. I can't wait to see how you bring everything together. The introduction page was a great way to show us who the characters are. It was very clear who most of the characters represent, and I'm sure the others will become clear as you post more stories. My only critique of your story is that you switch from present to past tense a couple of times and have a few little grammatical errors. Those should all be easy fixes though! Another thing I would change is how formally that Rama and Sita speak to each other. Since this is about high school students, I think it would be good to contractions like “you’re” instead of “you are.” This would make them feel more conversational and relatable. I like that Rama is so nervous, and I think that you’re going to have a lot of fun telling this story!
Hi Ashley, I just read your story and I liked how you used high school musical as the story to represent the story you wrote. I really liked reading all the love stories that have to deal with Rama and Sita. I think this was the best stories we read so far this semester. Its crazy that the high school musical story line was the best story to use to the remake of your story. The story you wrote played out the same way Rama and Sita were toward each other, they both were shy at first, but as they got to talking and being around each other they started to open up and by the end of the story they were in love. Love stories make my heart warm up , and you retelling this story you set it up pretty good, and the storyline was good, and I hope you enjoyed writing it.
ReplyDeleteHello Ashley. You have a nice looking homepage. I like that you gave a small introduction on your homepage. The pictures are also nice choices. You have a theme image. I have two problems with it. First, it isn’t that noticeable as is kind of blends in with the color scheme. Second, I don’t know how much it is going to fit a high school musical themed storybook. Once you add a few more stories and link them on your homepage; they are going to pass the picture of Rama and Sita. This may look a little weird. Your introduction has nice picture placement. It helps set the story. You have a stellar introduction. When reading that Ravana was class president and I didn’t understand how. Then you explained he was unchallenged, and it fit perfectly. The only change I could possible think of is Rama meeting Hanuman later in the story. However, the way it is fine. The “Start of Something New” is well written, but the dialogue does feel a bit rough. I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to your future writings.
ReplyDeleteHello Ashley. Starting from the title, "Kosala High School," I thought this was a great way to start your story. I would assume that there would be a lot of child-like drama. And then when I went to your introduction page, there was High School Musical. I thought that this would be a very interesting comparison and your layout was very nice. But, I would suggest to maybe be a little bit more formal. Your introduction page seems scattered. But, your story writing is very good. I think that you were able to help me understand Rama's position in the epic. Epics can sometimes be hard to understand because there are so many different things going on at the same time. Comparing Rama and Sita to the characters in High School Musical was a very fun idea. What gave you the inspiration? Do you think that Rama and Troy are similar characters?
ReplyDeleteHello Ashley! I hope you are having a great day! I really like your homepage but to go with the title of the page "Kosala High School", The theme and title should be high school like, with 90's font and images. I feel like if you utilized a 90s theme, it would make the page more fun and busy, rather than simple like it is! Your stories are really great and I loved the high school musical theme! This story definitely belongs to the high school drama section! Your story kept me reading and reading and when I reached the end, I wanted to read more! I am a sucker for love stories and I cannot wait to read some more stories in the future! I hope you have a great day and good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story, and I especially enjoyed the setup of your website. It looks great!
I noticed that a main focus of your story is how Rama and Sita (the high school versions) are watching one another in the hallways. For this, I would think that descriptions of physical appearance are important, especially since you're taking a modern view of the story. I would recommend using sensory details to describe their appearances. Questions to ask would be, When you're enamored at a first glance, what sort of things do you notice about the other person? It's rarely the brand of shoes they wear or the style of their backpack. It's usually things like the shape and pout of lips, the color of their eyes, the emotions portrayed in their smile (happy, sad, even). I think such details would be great for Rama and Sita's high school love story!
Great work, and I can't wait to read more.
Hi Ashley! First off, your project is amazing and I love how you decided to recreate the Ramayana in a High School Musical perspective. I am sure a lot of people will find this project relatable. I really like the layout of your project. It is simple and allows the readers attention to be focused on your writing. Your introduction is perfect. I love how you take the time to introduce the characters. I know we have all read the Ramayana, but it is nice to get a quick refresher and then get told how these characters fit into your story. For your first story, you did an awesome job of incorporating this into the storyline of High School Musical. I really liked the story of how Rama and Sita met, so bringing it into a more modern setting and especially a high school setting made it seem even more realistic. Overall great project and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley! I hope you are doing well this semester. I commented on your storybook towards the very beginning of the semester. It is crazy to see how much your story has developed past your introduction and your first story. Now, it seems like your project has finished nicely. I like how you have made all of your stories very easy to understand and relatable. But, I noticed on your first page, you never updated the links to your newer stories (after story 2). It was a cute idea to use the original song names as the titles for your stories. As for your author´s notes, they are very informative about the original story from the epics. This was a nice refresher from what we have read. The epics are so long, that sometimes it is hard to remember all of the details about what happened in the earlier chapters.
ReplyDeleteHey! I didn't realize, but I was signed it to my friend's google account and not mine when I used her computer. The comment should be from me: Kelsea Long
DeleteHello Ashley. I commented on your storybook about a month ago. This is one of my favorite storybook ideas and I am really happy with the progress you have made. I really like your writing and stories. Your new one "stick to the status Quo. I really liked how well you made the drama of high school fit the characters so well. You captured Soorpankas manipulative and deceptive ways, Rama and Sita's infatuation, and Ravanas lust and jealousy, all in a cheesy high school setting. Adding the videos from High School Musical was a funny touch and made the comparison between the original epics and a cheesy Disney high school even funnier. I am interested to see how and if you will cover events such as Ravana Kidnapping Sita and Ravana and Rama fighting. I also appreciate that since your stories are so different than the original you give an in depth authors note explaining the original story. I will definitely be checking out how you wrap up your project.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! I really like this idea! I like how you put titles each part of the story based on a high school musical song and even included the music video in each part. I haven't seen any other blogs do this yet. It's very unique! The layout of the website it really nice too, especially the font.
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting how Rama can't afford tuition since he seemed wealthy in the original story. At first I felt bad for Soorpanaka. She was so patient while she waited for Rama. I'm honestly wasn't sure whether to like Sita in this story since she ruined Soorpanaka's chances. Despite that Soorpanaka was being fake nice or whatever, I think Lakshmana was harsh to her when she mentioned Sita with Rama! It was also uncalled for seeing as he kind of agreed with her based on his conversation with Hanuman.
As I read more though, I realized Soorpanaka is very manipulative and deserved Lakshmana's harsh treatment. She sounds like an evil popular girl to be honest. The girl manipulated her own brother! I like how you changed things up between Lakshmana, Hanuman and Sita. It added some spice to the story.
I think you forgot to put a space between one of your paragraphs when Rama and Hanuman go look for Rama after archery practice. Other than that this is a great story and I look forward to reading the rest of it!
I noticed you called them a couple before they actually started dating. Maybe you can replace the word "couple" with "two" since they aren't a couple yet.
Hey Ashley,
ReplyDeleteYou've done a really great job on your storybook! I chose to write a portfolio because I was worried about messing up a series of stories, but you have done an amazing job with yours! The site design is very good. The paragraphs are spaced well so that reading the story isn't difficult at all. I also like the font that you have chosen as well. It fits the aesthetic of the site design very well. The introduction set the stage for the stories really well and flowed easily into the first and second stories. There is one sentence that sounds awkward to me. It's in the "Stick to the Status Quo" story. The first sentence just seems a little off. I don't know if a comma after "friendship" would fix it or not. But it just sounds weird to say in my head and out loud. In any case, great stories!
I love this take on the Ramayana! High School Musical was huge growing up as a kid, so reading the first page really brought back some nostalgia. I only read the introduction because I want to keep coming back to your story over the course of the semester to read everything else, but I can already tell that I'm really going to like it. One question I have is, why is it called Kosala High School? I think I may have over read this when reading the Ramayana, so I think adding a little line in why it's called Kosala would help the audience have some more background information! Reading through it was nice and easy, but I did notice some grammatical errors in the introduction so make sure to read a loud! I have trouble with this too in my own stories. I look forward to reading more over the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! How fun that your theme relates to High School Musical! That’s a classic movie that is a really good idea to incorporate Ramayana into. Your storybook looks different than a lot of others I’ve seen, which makes it stand out. I love that your intro explains that the stories are about high school drama, because that’s something we all know so well! Did you name it Kosala High School for a reason? Also, is any of this based on personal experience? Those are some fun things you could add to your introduction! Other than those suggestions, using transition sentences from one story to foreshadow into the next is also intriguing and helps readers flow through your project. You’ve done a great job explaining the reasoning behind your changes so far, and the reasons how they all tie back together to the theme! Great job and good luck in the future!
ReplyDeleteI was happy to revisit your project this week!
ReplyDeleteI've never seen the movie your story is based on, so it was interesting to try and piece together what likely happened in the original movie/story. It looks like a musical (obviously), and I was waiting for the characters to break out into song! I think it'd be cool if you could take a high school musical song and adapt the lyrics to the Rama/Sita situation, and post those lyrics with the instrumental version of the song from the movie, that way we could put them together ourselves. It reminds me of the video we watched about Sita and Rama, with that old-style jazz music to match the situation. Great work with your story!
Hello Ashley!
ReplyDeleteWow, I really love your project idea! I am huge High School Musical fan and when I saw the titles of your different pages, I was immediately intrigued. I think in addition to the videos embedded within the story, I would love to see pictures of Rama and Sita as well, just to add perspective of their story. It may be helpful to add a break somewhere in your Author's Note because it currently looks like a lengthy blurb of information. Maybe in one paragraph you can talk about how story relates to an Indian epic and the next paragraph can be all about your inspiration behind how you wrote the story. I like your use of different fonts but be sure to proofread to ensure nothing is too hard on the eyes. Overall though, great work! I hope to revisit your page in the next couple of weeks and engage in more good reads!
Ashley, I LOVE your project! I remember when I first looked at your project during the first few weeks and thought that it would be interesting but this has absolutely blow me away! The layout is great and is very organized. I also am a fan of Highschool musical from when i was a kid and the Ramayana characters and villains fit really well with the cliques from the musical! One thing that I really appreciate is the music videos at the beginning of each story. It gives a nice nostalgia effect and really brings the story to life. Perhaps one thing that you could do to make it even more awesome is to include at the end of your author's notes about why you chose to tell the story in the way that you told it and why the Indian characters correspond with the highschool musical characters. Overall, Great work and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley!
ReplyDeleteCan I start by saying WOW!!! I was instantly hooked on to your story. I'm a huge high school musical fan myself so reading through your introduction was amazing! You truly do have an amazing way of writing so that it makes the reader feel as though they are experiencing what is happening right then and there. I was so hooked I had not even realized the end of your introduction was already there. I kind of get which high school musical character is corresponding with the Ramayana character, but I would highly recommend putting a little note about the parallels, so that those who have not watched high school musical or read the Ramayana will know who is who. Overall, great job on the introduction and with the design of your site. Everything flows very nicely together. Can't wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hello again!
ReplyDeleteI am in love with the characters of Kosala High School! Ah, this is the perfect rendition of Rama and Sita's story. The details you put into Start of Something New is great in helping the reader visualize just how close Rama and Sita are becoming. I found just a few grammar mistakes that reading aloud will correct: " Rama enjoyed getting to know about Sita and all of the different places she has lived." "had lived" sounds better here. The content is great, but I think you could expand your ending and possibly even add that Ravana's sister was starting rumors to get the readers to start thinking more about what is yet to come. I definitely enjoyed reading your story! Overall great job, I look forward to reading more!
Hi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI haven't been here since March and I really like how your story book has come along. I still love the HSM theme and your writing has gotten better as time went on which shows you've really taken peoples critiques to mind when writing the next stories. One issue I have looking at your writing now is I'm not a fan of the font choice. I think it is really neat and cool, but at the same time I think it makes it a little bit harder on the eyes to read such a long story with that font choice. Since it has been that way since the beginning I do think it is best to either change it all, or keep it throughout the next installments, and just keep it in mind when writing other stories. Cool font is always nice and fun, but depending on what it is and the color scheme of everything around it, it can sometimes be hard on the eyes to interpret the letters and the longer the story the harder it gets. This could just be me but it is the only issue I had.
First off, I want to sincerely thank you for making me picture Soorpanaka as a teenage girl. My brain definitely kept her in demon form but gave her Sharpay clothes and hair hahaha. It’s so funny too, I literally had “Breaking Free” stuck in my head earlier today for no reason so apparently I was destined to read your project.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of high school drama as the backdrop for the Ramayana. It just makes sense. Again, Soorpanaka as the Sharpay is perfect casting haha.
My only real notes were sometimes I think your story flow would be helped by doing a little more “showing vs telling”. So instead of saying someone feels a certain way or wants something, you can show it in their actions. When you entrust the reader with the task of interpreting the actions of a story it creates a more immersive and exciting experience.
Then a small typo, “When he finally saw her his heart feel to the floor” should be “fell to the floor” I think.
Is there going to be fourth installment at the dance or archery competition?